Our Commitment to Workplace Productivity

Back to slacking! April Fools, play Doppelkopf all you want.

March had a new milestone for Doppelkopf Club: Our players have played more than 100,000 games in total.

When I first saw that number I was excited, then proud, then puzzled, and ultimately I was concerned: Assuming that an average game takes 2 minutes this number adds up to a total of 200,000 minutes of time spent playing Doppelkopf. That’s more than 3,300 hours, or 416 working days. Gone. Just like that. Wasted playing online Doppelkopf.

At the same time we our economy struggling. Leading politicians tirelessly remind us that it’s time to work more, slack less, put in more effort. Thinking of those announcements makes me feel dizzy when I’m looking at the numbers here at Doppelkopf Club.

I’ve long suspected that a non-trivial amount of games is being played while we’re actually supposed to be working on super important and impactful things that will make our economy soar.

To combat those (surely unintended) distractions at the workplace we proudly present the Slack Detector. Thanks to nifty AI we’re now capable of detecting whether a Doppelkopf Club player (accidentally!) runs risk of escaping their workplace duties.

As always with modern AI: It isn’t 100% precise yet. That’s why we’re relying on a trust-based system here at Doppelkopf Club. If you promise that you are not dodging important work, you can continue to play as always.

I’m happy to accept nominations for the Bundesverdienstkreuz if the German economy soars thanks to this effort.

Stay busy out there, folks!

— Ham